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Sunday, July 22, 2012

A lot on my mind and for a worry wort like me thats not good!

First all, I don't know who actually still reads this but thats kinda why I'm writing this here and not on Facebook..... I just need to get this off my chest....
First, Noah is going through the hitting stage and I am at my wits end trying to deal with this. I am just mortified when he does this in public with other kids.  He has pretty much stopped this at home bc he knows he will immediately get time out and loose toys. But  he pushes the limits when we are out in public. Lately he has been hitting kids in bible class. I feel like crying every time I go to pick him and they tell me he has hit someone. We  talk to him about using his words and not hitting and he tells us " I know, hitting is not nice" but he still does it. urgh!!!! I don't know how to enforce the rules when I'm not there or how to get him to realize that it isn't acceptable no matter where we are!
Also, Noah has decided he doesn't want to eat ever! Meal time has become such a battle and I am constantly worried he isn't getting the nutrition he needs.
I just always feel like I am being judge and feel like I am not a good mother when he hits in public or refuses to eat. The doc says he will eat when he is hungry but Noah has seriously gone all day with only eating a cracker. urgh!!!

Second, I am getting into selling Arbonne to try to make some extra money. So far it is going ok. I just don't like asking people to spend money or host party etc. I am not a pushy person at all so when they say no, I'm like "ok" but I'm never going to build up my business if I don't book parties. I have always had self esteem problems where I am constantly worried about what people are going to think of me and if people are going to like me etc. So when I am asking people to host a party or whatever. I have this voice in the back of my head thats saying" they don't want to host bc they don't like you or bc they think you are ugly, etc" I know its crazy, but I have always struggled with that.

Third, I recently received a job offer from the online school, meaning I could stay at home and still teach. I didn't actively seek this job. I have been curious about the job since it started up in OK but have always been to chicken to pursue it.  I just submitted my resume  about 6 months ago and didn't think anymore about it.  Then out of the blue without an interview or anything I got a phone call saying that they have heard great things about me and would love for me to "teach" a trial lesson  but honestly it was a formality that they really wanted me in the sped department. I told them I would have to think about it.  I mean I absolutely LOVE my students and most of them I have for 3+ years and form strong bonds with both them and their families. If it wasn't so close to school starting back up I don't think I would be struggling so much with this decision. Every time I think about the possibility of leaving WF, I just burst out in tears so maybe that is my answer. But I have to wonder if God allowed this opportunity. I have been praying for a way to spend more time with my family and to not be constantly stressed. SO I don't know. I have to let them know by Thursday so I will be doing a lot praying between now and then. And who knows I could teach the trial lesson and they totally don't like me and take back the offer. I am scared to leave WF. I mean I have proven myself at Edmond schools and obviously my reputation proves that so I don;t want to start all over..... IDK but sometimes I think I need a change IDK... I know I'm rambling on and on......

Like I said I have a lot of my mind and feel like I'm about to have a nervous breakdown!!
I need to just pray, pray, pray and leave it to God!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

rough last couple of months

These last few months has seemed like one rough patch after another. I know God won't give you more than you can handle, but sometimes you just want to say enough is enough.
First we were dealing with Noah's mystery illnesses. We did learn he has a weakened immune system but thankful no weird auto-immune disorder or cancer (which both were talked about, scary!!) . Then I got my severe pancreatitis and very much could've died. They told me I was lucky I came to the ER when I did. So I got to stay 4 nights in the hospital and miss 4 weeks of work. Only 5% of people ever get pancreatitis with unknown reason, seriously!!! I am still on a very restrictive diet, almost 2 months later. Then the latest has been pat's mom illness and recent death. This has been very hard on pat as you can imagine. So we are headed out tomorrow to start the traveling for the funeral and burial. Funeral will be Thursday in Tahlequah, then travel day down to Gilmer, TX (close to Tyler, TX) for burial on Saturday (actually in a smaller town Pritchett, TX)
Then head home Sunday and back to work for me Monday. Pat will still have some bereavement time left so he won't be going back until Friday, which I think will be good. He needs some time to process and reflect. Right now we are just trying to help dad with details that he hasn't really had time to slow down and process that his mom is gone.
I am just really ready for life to calm down a bit and get back to "normal"
Just say a little prayer for us if you don't mind!!!